Fearful

*Hard day at work. I'm too frazzled to study, so I'll blog instead. After all, it doesn't require any higher cognative powers*

Fearful

That's me.
I'd like to believe otherwise.
But bravery wouldn't explain:
my constant complaining to mom when she was here.
occational jealousy towards women who didn't like me in the first place.
closing out the world
staying home when there are so many friends to make.
all the rules I've made for myself.

*****
Last week was my "dr.s" birthday. She had a small number of friends for a get together. In an effort to network, I came prepared to "meet and greet". Women that is. The only single woman at "S"s party was S. And as much I'd like to win her over, attraction doesn't work that way.
I had some of my insecurities tweaked.
Jealousy.
Insecurity.
Inadequecy.
All run away feelings.
Made some new friends and networked with two of S's guy friends, F and C.
The party broke up and S, K, and I (uh, that would be Me) moved down the block to watch the K.U. game. It was at this point that I discovered that I had given my number to not One, but Two gay men... They, I discovered, were on a 'first date' .

(Zelda, you HUSH!)

And to think, I had been jealous of S and F. (Which I would not feel if I knew she actually liked me. It's the very fact that I know she's not interested in me that causes the feelings. Go figure...That and I don't have any other viable possibilities at the moment. Life is ficle...That and it wouldn't hurt if she didn't look so good. I AM a man.)

I want to be fearful, to run away to my mother's apron and cry, "I don't want to play with her anymore! She won't give my what I want!" Wrong answer...

Dad would tell me, "Buck up, act like a Man and quit your whining! Move on!"
Did I mention
dad
died
when I was
young?
(Can I be mad about that?)

*****
I have two dates with real honest to G*D women! But where do they want to go?
The gay bar...

I shared all this with J. He thought it was funny and asked if I didn't want to reconsider "changing sides", after all he said, "we'll f*ck anyone".

And who are these lucky women? (I'd say I'm the one lucking out, that's "l" and not "f".)
They are none other than


Zelda!


and


my dr!


Women!!!

Go figure!