Shopping, Laughter, and Tears

I went shopping with J yesterday for wedding accoutrimonts, as Zelda is fond of saying.

We also picked up my ring. It is very pretty. White gold on Yellow. Milled edge.
And like Lelo in "Lelo and Stitch", sweet Zelda bought it for me, but needed a little help from me.
I wore it yesterday.

Zelda, in turn, went shopping with my sister, MeToo. We ended up in the same part of town, and for a while, were with in a block of each other, even though we were not, in fact, in the same mall.

To be happy and saddened at the same time. Currently, the sadness is fresher, and is winning out.
Having experienced the death of my father when I was 16, and helping my mother in her last days 18 years later, I know that the emotions lessen over time, get burried if not vented.
I have been confronting those fearful thoughts this weekend, to exercise them...

Which each passing, old emotions from the past bubble up to demand attention. Attention that should have been given years ago.

Woody wanted to be at the house. He would have been contented, if not happy, to passed a long and even painful death at home, in my bed.

Instead we boxed him up, took him in the car, which caused him great discomfort, to the vet, where he DID NOT WANT TO BE. Stuck him with needles, had him carried into the noisy back area, and finally dragged out of his carrier, where he had climbed, to be handled by the dreaded, but very kind, Vet. And finally, to have his sore leg, catheter in place, and injected with that which would take his life.

He went limp. He was gone.

Zelda gets short tempered with me for rehashing these things. Saying out load painful fears of MINE.
I am exercising my GREATEST FEARS.

Please let me do this sweet Zelda.

I know, with out a doubt, that I did everything I could in HIS best interest. That is my hope and prayer.

It's just that my "best", still wasn't "enough".
My Woody Kitty, my little old man, my kitty of love and desire. My one eyed wonder kitten.

He wasn't a kitten. Not be far. He was an Ooolllddd man.
Tired and warn out.
Parts breaking down and failing.

now I'm rambling...
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It's going to take me a while to work through these emotions.

I feel bad that folks are loosing sisters and brothers and sons and mothers and fathers, and I am crying over a cat...
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When mom passed, I wanted to KNOW that there was a heaven.
She believed.
Dad, I don't know...
Grandmother believed...

Was Woody greated by mom and grandma when he left?
Do we continue after our light on earth goes out?

Breakfast and the living call,

"Coming Zelda!""