Drama...

Those two little words are starting to hit home.

All the changes that have to happen.
I'm tired tonight and that drops my mood.

Z and I talked tonight about what we want, and when...

I am second guessing myself.
Not about Zelda, but in my timing...
We really don't know each other yet.

I have a connection with her like no other.
One I do not wish to lose.

What has happened is...
the world is crowding in on our little tree house

We have been talking wedding plans
Who do we want there.
Where.
Meeting the family.
Meeting the friends.
*I want small* I"d be happy with eloping. At the same time, I'd want C to marry us, J to be there as witness/bestman, and my sister too.

I snuck off to spend a weekend with someone I care a great deal about. And she snuck off to see me. We went to her favorite places. Listened to her music, my music.
Stayed in side most of the weekend and it was our little world.

Now it's about...
Do I move?
Do I stay?
Does she move?
Does she stay?

There is some school debt and cc debt to clear up...
Is it better for me to stay here, for financial advantages, live apart and pay off her debt before making the move?

I do not as of yet know that number.

I want to continue where I am working,
because there is a lot to learn still.
To leave within a year would not let me see the completion of my own projects.
There is moonlighting money I would not have...
To stay for two as I originally plan, would place her at about gradution.
At the same time, I want her to get the degree she wants, what's best for her.
And how long will she be in school? 18 months? 2 years? I don't know.

Suddenly it's about $$$.

If I move north, and she finishes, and then wants to move back to Texas, financially, is that the best solution?

Part of me wants to make this house a home with her.
To take advantages of the low mortgage and good job market in Dallas.
To knock down walls and make plans with her. A garden.
I want to design and build our home, together.

I also know that to make money, one must be willing to spend it.
The real estate market is just as vibrant in Omaha.
It's not like I'm busy buying up every house on the block.

We also talked about family tonight.
Meeting hers, she meeting mine.
Which is really not an issue, I've met her parents.
But I also would rather spend that travel time, and family time with YOU, Z, not the car and the rents. Not this time...

How much did I influence her in asking her so soon?
I am a patient man.
She is an impatien woman.

And if I mention loss of season tickets, she'll feel guilty. *So don't!*

I know this will all clear up after a good night's sleep.

What is the most important thing?
Start with the End in Mind.

Marriage and family.
All else follows...

More to come...