Carmen

Picked up Bizet's Opera, "Carmen".

Took some doing, I can be cheep and at the same time, spend good $$$ on wasteful junk!

I am happy to say, "Carmen", is well worth the investment!

For those of you old enough, think "The Bad News Bears", from the 70's. And the singing Tomato from "Sesame Street" from the same era. (So far I seem to be the only one of my friends to remember her. She had big vegtable ear rings and the same for eyes and mouth. She belted it out, making *most* of the notes. She was, after all, a fruit!)

It's a rush to hear these musical bonbons that I know from life all coming together in its original. "Wow, I know that peice!"

As a child I remember "screaming and yelling" coming from the radio while dad listened, and thinking to myself, "How could Anyone stand that noise!". Much like my nephew and sister must think as my brother-in-law listens to "The Ring Cycle". 14 hours

I was suprised when I sucum to the suduction of the human voice.
Nothing like it!

Like an expensive woman, I lavish large sums on her just to be in her presense. I look forward all year to be with her. In the dark. Alone amoungst thousands. She's mine, hands off!

All about sex, and passion, and lust, and betrail. Jelousy, rage, anger, murder, and death. All emotion and very little thinking by anyone. And that's what I LOVE about it. The human experience that I have hidden from for most of my life.


Opera, gotta love it!

(Side note: Article in this months Men's Health compares the High of being in love with the same reaction one gets from Cocaine. NO WONDER I'm still thinking of high school! She was sooooooo damn gorgeous! and HOT!)

A crush; 20 years!!!

While at Target I came across "1984" by Van Halen.
On the way home it's spinnin' and the next thing ya know, I'm back in High School! I'm in lab band warming up for a basket ball game with the players working out to "Jump".

Because I still live in the town where I grew up, I found myself driving in the old part of town where my brothers and I threw papers. (1,000 daily) My favorite house is up for sale again. It's one of the reasons I got into architecture. One day as we drove by it just "spoke" to me and told me all about how the people inside used it. Sigh...there is no way I could afford it. (Taxes alone are $6k a year.)

And I flash back to my crush. Funny how those things work. Of course she was a cheer leader. (Aren't they supposed to be?) Messed me up psychologically. Was easier to focus on getting a dopemine high thinking about her than to deal with my shyness, class load, high school angst, sexuality, and my father's death. As it turned out, she lived next door to "my house".

So now I'm feeling depressed about my insecurities from 20 years ago! Where I "should" be, vs. REALity.

Julie Hill.

Last I saw her, she was married. I was hosting a foreign student and we had a party hosted by, as I later found out, her mother. I hadn't let her know of my lust and fixation till my junior year, her senior. She was currious if I knew who the new "her" was. "Mrs. somebody". There is a fine line between boyhood facination and stalking. I pride myself in knowing the difference! It was interesting to know she knew who I was!

While I was focused on her, I was unavailable for the girls who had their crushes on me! And truth be told, we had some things in common. But I never had the self confidence. I am sad for those girls for whom I had no space in my life. Not that I am anything special, but I didn't treat them well. With kindness, friendship, and connection.

Why do we do such things to our selves?

I also think if I had actually asked her out, it would have made her "real" and despelled my "perfect" woman, who ironically, wasn't and I knew it.

Now in maturity, I realize that God, or the universe, what ever you want to call it, handed me opportunities right and left to have stepped up to manhood. By this I mean, taking the step towards conquering fear and self doubt. (Not deflowering). I could have offered help in French, Chemistry, Drama, all classes I was skilled in.

I did what I did at the time because that is what I knew how to do at that time.

Causes me to wonder where I am doing the same things with out seeing it in my present day life.

Truth is, I didn't really want to know her, or I would have. I wanted to use her. To get high. For which I appologize.

It's not just the "druggies" who "tune out" in our schools.

I ask myself, "Why am I focusing on this? Why am I feeling like this?"

And I answer myself, "So I can again wallow in passivity spending my energy by focusing on someone who no longer exists! And thus avoid my life as it is, created by me".

At a concert at the local community college I met a former class mate, a cheer leader on the same squad, who was unhappy with where her life had taken her. Single with a 3 year old.

Why are we so unhappy with our lives? What opportunites are we missing?

sigh...

Try it, you'll "like" it...

I have known my buddy "J" since 1990. We've gone on vacations, shopping, and to college football games for years now. Gig'em!

About 2 years ago he realised he likes men better than women. Thankfully for our friendship, I'm not his type. It wasn't really a suprise. Though I did ask a number of times to make sure he was 100%. Hey, I was looking forward to our two families getting together for holidays, football and seeing each other's children grow up. He's sure...

Historically, as in, before he came out, I let it be known I am not really accepting of the gay life style. Historically I have not been accepting of many things.

Our friendship has actully gotten better since he came out. His confidence is greater, no more limp hand shakes. We have become more accepting of each other. More comfortable and secure.

He's been after me to go visit a gay bar with him for at least a year now. I have always declined. I'm not a bar fly to begin with, and smelling like cigarette is not on the top of my list of favorite things. Add all guys, no "real" girls, and drunks and you can count me "nada". Well tonight he got me to a Piano bar. Live music. A real woman vocalist. Large, brown, soft, eyes, if you know what a mean. And all men. All horney men.

To his credit he checked with me, turning back every 15 minutes or so to ask if I was "Ok?". It's a gay bar, not a root canal.

The gays were tipping out the singer in the traditional way, the first National Bank of Twin Peaks. Ironic, a hand on God's wonders and it didn't mean a thing to them. I mentioned this to my buddy and the bet was on.

But before we could follow up, I have venustraphobia, "fear of beautiful women" (thanks Readers Digest) not to mention outing myself as a straight man in a sea of gay men with a mission. Larry happened. A 52 year old, single(?) gay man, who dyes his gray, and interested in a little somethin-somethin. With me. Or the "young thing" at the end of the bar.

Straight women seem to think they can *convert* gay men, (same for straight men with lesbians).

Well it's no different with gay men towards straight men. I'd have thought he'd been more interested in J, who looks younger and is a "pretty boy", not to mention that he's interested in such things.

Well J was not his type.

But I was.

Poor Larry went home alone.

And I did a face plant *sigh* into God's gift to man with my $$ in my teeth. She's a beautiful woman. Larry didn't tip out the "bank", but left his cash in the bowl.

On the way back one man, boyfriend at his side, grabbed my hand and asked if I was a "changed man", and a second wanted to know if I was "near sighted or far sighted", as I had removed my glasses before my dive.

You might say, it was perfect 10.

J was paying out and missed the whole thing...

Oh my God!

Average first thought from someone learning they have herpes. Closely followed by "NO!".

And after all the panic and worry, and more panic, and web misinformation, and "miracle cures", and confusion, life settles in and goes on.

Then the question is asked.... "What causes outbreaks?"

Well for those who are currious... I can say without a doubt, Food Poisoning should be toward the top of the list!

Running like crazy pulling two jobs.
Ready for vacation again! 6 weeks is not long enough.
And now, for *bed*.

Date me....

Going to meet a young woman this week to see if there might be a *spark*.

More of an academic exercize. My concern is sex. I think that is something that we all entertain.
My herpes is mild. Like the majority (75%) of people, I have no sores. Still I don't want to pass it on if I can at all prevent it.

"She who gave it to me" *forgot* to mention it. (Bad information from her Dr.) I am now just one link in a lllllooooooonnnnnnngggg line of this particular bug. Unlike the common cold or the flu, this one has a petigree.

Karlthebunny 2004
She who gave it to me 1999,
Guy who cheated with four girls 1999,
She who gave it to him but forgot to mention it (I see a trend). 19??
The Romans,
The Greeks,

Oh my stomach...

And on the topic of proper storage of food stuffs...

Recovering from a bought of food poisoning thanks to fast food. Those commercials weren't kidding about those killer chickens!!

I was caught by suprise at how exhausting it is. And of course with no appetite at the start...

My cat can eat day old food and though he doesn't prefer it, he shrugs it off. Or, he brings it up (on my carpet, ALWAYS on my carpet) and is on to being a cat. "Pet me".

If we could only get the advertisers for the Olympics to SHUT UP! The car commercials are the worst. Hmmmm.... I see an idea that would sell.... A device that would automatically mute the ads.!! Except those about blondes in bikinis of course... Blondes in bikinis selling cars! Drat, foiled again....!!!

In the Begining

Amazing to me that there are folks out there interested in what a complete stranger has to tell the world.

More amazing still is the reason I am here at all, is that a former girlfriend gave me a Sexally Transmitted Dis-ease. Namely, the ever popular Herpes Simplex Virus type II.

You might say I am a reluctant trend setter.


If you are interested in information on HSV, and if you are sexually active, or only thinking about it, check out my friend Angela's web site, http://yoshi2me.com or Gayla's, http://herpesonline.org.