Two Words

Two Words have thrown my world into a whirlwind of action.

And because of them, I have
Financial considerations to make...
Employment.
Retirement.
Savings.

In talking with the Secretary today, I realize I have made a financial error in choosing this company.

At the time I was interviewing, there were two companies chasing me.
Nice to have multiple offers.
Also tricky.

They always push to get you to answer "today".

One company was hungry.
Young, self made.
In the know.
Great design, but in an industry I wanted to get out of, Apartments.
Make it or break it.

The other comapany,
Older, old money.
Living in the past.
Average design, but in a product that was new to me, Hospitality.
Laid back.

I chose the later.
Turns out, "we have a 401k plan, (but did I forget to mention we don't contribute to it?)"
Because the Principals have never "had to work", this is their place to go each day.
They are not out hustling new business.
They don't get out of the staff's way and let them do what they do best...

They don't give regular raises. (So far everyone I have spoken with here has not had a raise in years.) The staff are great. I enjoy working with them. They do the work of two people each.
Alas, they are not paid in kind.

Two Words have changed my little world.
"marry me".

This weekend Zelda and I were talking finances.
I'm debt free, save for a motorcycle and a mortgage.
The motorcycle will be free and clear this year.
The house could be retired in two years.

Z has school related debt.

So when I go to see her next week, we will be loving and snuggling and sexing. But we will also be planning. Plans of financial attack.

To live apart and retire her debt as soon as possible.
Or live together and recalculate the finances...

I will not allow $$$ to hurt us.
So... if it means flights up and back for a while,

so be it.
Lots to think about,
all because of
a lot of love
and
two little
words...

Friday's Opera

Friday's Opera was the last of the season.
2004/2005 is put to bed...

I'll miss the intensity, the melody, and the passion!!

The human voice has become my favorite instrument.

Particularly, the Operatic voice.

Controlled yelling actually.
"Screaming" out the emotions
of characters
at once
tragic
and heroic.

All sensation.
Anger, jealousy,
love, lust,
passion, longing,
hatred, loathing,
innocence, wisdom,
arogance, comedy,
joy,
sadness...

Unlike other media for me,
I get wrapped up in it.
Wanting to cry out loud to the young woman,
senselessly throwing her life away on the wrong man,
"DON'T DO IT!"
Or wanting to clap for joy in the middle of an aria because the actor's voice is
beyond measure
(pun intended).

I don't of course.
People would shush me, or stare.
Or...they might even join me, and the beauty would be drown out in a sea of thankfulness.
I have yet to attend an Opera where there was an encore. And I would be sad to miss it..

To smother beauty under a blanket of joy.

And so, I "sit on my hands" and let the emotions wash through me.

Friday was "Madame Butterfly" by Giacomo Puccini.
www.DallasOpera.org
A more popular Opera, the crowd was large and youthful.
A wonderful crowd. Enthusiastically "booing" the villian, US Naval Lt. B.F. Pinkerton, played by Tenor John Matz, as he took his curtain call.
It is a credit to the writer when a character is booed for being written and performed so well.

And then there is Ms. Butterfly. (Soprano, Ms. Veronica Villarroel,) (When she openned her mouth, I had to sit on my hands!)

For those who don't know the story, a synopsis...

Post war Japan where a house can be rented for 999 years and comes with an optional wife and servants, also 'rented' for 999 years. Both with an immediate termination clause...
Our villian, Lt. Pinkerton marries our heroin, Butterfly, a 15 year old girl. (He is not intentionally evil, just self absorbed and youthful. The 'Bad American'.)

She gives up everything for 'love'. Her religion, her family, her honor.
And she sticks to her guns when Pinkerton leaves but promises to, 'return when the roses are in bloom, and the Robin is building his nest'.

It is obvious to everyone, that she was just a call of port fling.
Oblivious to poor Butterfly.
But then she, out of everyone, has the most invested in the outcome.

I see myself in her.

The denial of the reality knocking on our door telling us, "Hey YOU, wake up!!" Of her sadness, her loss of innocence, and her longing to be taken care of, to be made whole by that which will not comply.

A misery of our own making...

I see us all in her.

We all, each day, create our own little worlds in which we play the lead. Sometimes the hero, sometimes the villian, and sometimes the tragic victim of ourselves.

And that,
for me
is the beauty
of
the Opera...

And God created

man in his own image, male and female He created them.

It isn't mentioned in that passage,
that G*d also created All things,
"good and bad".

"Good" and "Bad" being subjective.

The Tsunami wasn't good or bad, it just was.
I guess that's the problem we have with it.
If it "hadn't", as in "come into existance",
We'd be happy.

Well, G*d, and I don't like to asign a Gender when dicussing the undescribable, but there are limitations to the English language, also created all the peoples populating the earth.

Good and bad.

Huh?

Isn't G*d responsible for ONLY the "Good" stuff?

And the Devil created the "Bad" Stuff?

Isnt' that what we are told?

I remember being taught those kinds of slants on who G*d
is...

And then I read "Kings",
that'll leave you scratching your head.

I digress.

The Great Creator, Maker of All Things Made and Unmade,
also designed

Gay men,
and
Gay women.

So....

Who are we to pass judgement?

(For those of you out there who say we are supposed to,
go back and read the "Ten Commandments".
Focus on

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me".

In Genisis G*d passed a judgement call, "and they were very good".

It is for G*d and only G*d to pass such judgements, to do as G*d does is to play G*d and thus,

place Yourself before "Him". )

Jesus taught acceptance of all who would listen,
and for those who didn't,

He didn't say,

"persecute them",

he said, "Go your way and let them live in peace", (paraphrased).

Love all G*d's creatures.
That is our job here on earth...

Because they
"Are"

thus saith

the Bunny

Today

Feeling tired today.
Nice conversation with Zelda today.
Things were accomplished that we have been trying to do for a month now.

Had lunch with J today.
He has good news in his life as well.
Last weekend he and his boyfriend, shhh, they aren't telling anyone yet about being an item, well last week they went together and bought a puppy.
They are "daddies!"
And he's really acting like it.
Mr. Everything has a place and in its place was actually letting a puppy, well.... "letting" is not actually the right word.... not fretting over a puppy pooping and peeing on his brand new, not yet two months old carpets. Was a time and a place where he had a cow if I got my own glass out of the cupboard.

He and H have decided to move in together. (Since in these United State of America, it is not allowed for two people to marry when they love each other and are committed to each other if they happen to have the same sexual gear). This is going to be a challenge. Not because they are both neat freaks, (can you say stereotypical "gay" men?) but because J's condo is not very large.
Perfect for a bachelor, but not for two sets of funiture, let alone two clothes hogs. Where will they put all the shoes!?

It really looks nice, how he's fixed up the condo.
I'd like to have a clean look like that.
Was well on my way to converting my place with new furniture, (found out that 'furniture' is spelled with an "i", and not, as I pronounce it, with an "a". Just a little Interiors trivia for you), carpets, paint, and all when a young lady came into my life...
And she's as messy as I use to be!! Turns out she's an artist...
As J said, "you can't help who you fall in love with.".
He never pictured in a Million years that he fall for (a man, that is until recently) a red headed hair stylist.
I mentioned, "who'd have thought how a haircut would have changed your life?"
He responded with, "who'd have thought how much herpes would have changed your!".

Anyway, we cut shopping short to get back from a long lunch to take Chihiro, ("Spirited Away") out to pee and poop.

H stopped by the house as a number of clients had canceled. It looked like he had gained some weight since I saw him last year. But not knowing how he might take it, and not wanting to come across as catty, I kept it to myself.

Next year they plan to move to New York City.
Sounds nice.
I don't know if I want to do that. But who knows.
The idea of working as an Architect in a city like NY...
Wow...All the things to do.

But, he knows in the back of his mind he will end up back in Texas.
I have also had "get out of Dodge" feelings myself. Just to try something else.
But I too know that my intent would be to move back.
We have our "roots" here.
Family. Memories.
Alma Mater.
Thankfully H is not a foot ball fan, other wise I'd have lost my seat to the A&M games years ago.
In fact that was something J mentioned today. We can keep our season tickets, even with his move... Though Z and I haven't yet figured out the logistics of her completeing 18 more months of school, us hitching up, and living in the same state, let alone house hold.

I'm thinking it will be easier for me to move to Ne., thus fullfilling that "get out" urge and making sure she get's the best in education for what she wants.
Alas, as good a A&M is in Engineering, Architecture, Medicine, and Agriculture, we lack much of anything that resembles a 'fine arts' education.... at least at the main campus.... Some day.

enough rambling,
time for bed,
alone,
just me
and my Woody...
(the cat!!, get your minds up!)

and to Z,
G'nite love...

What is going on????

What is going on in my generation that when you look at a child, YOUR child, and it is over weight, that you don't DO something about it???

There is a law proposed in the Texas legislature, by well intentioned people, that will require children to be weighed at each report card period, and if they are 'overweight', it will be posted on said report card along with their grades.

Teachers and schools have enough to do with out having to keep track of yet one more thing. That one more thing is YOUR responsibility anyway!
Stop being lazy and cook your child a decent meal!!

Are parents SO clueless?
Are parents SO wrapped up in themselves?
Are parents SO negligent that they don't see this?

My sister's family has stuggled with weight.
(Her first husband's family was native american, or should that be American Indian?, cause I was born here, making ME a native american... I digress...
All of his family were large people. Even those who were not 'overweight' were big.
They fried just about every thing they ate. )
I believe genetics plays a roll in their weight retention...

I don't have children of my own, yet...
But I remember as a child, being shooed out of the house to ride bikes,
to explore creeks, to play tag, and play touch football.

Is it because of a more sedentary way of life?
No parent at home to scoot the child out?
I find that reason difficult to swallow. My brothers and I could barely stand still, let alone want to stay indoors.

We didn't watch much TV. Mom had a set schedule per day. I remember we got exactly, 30 minutes of TV per day. And that was per child. It fostered cooperation between very competitive boys. We had to tag up to watch hour long shows.
We'd wine and fuss, and pout if we wanted to watch something which we "didn't have time for".

Today, I have two TVs and there is only one of me.
My nephew has his own boob toob in his room.

"the world is a scary place!! you can't let your children out to play!"
I am sure that is true in some places, but not all.
Today a human preditor might get you.
That has always been the case. See Cain and Able. See Little Big Horn and the preceeding slaughters by the white expantionists of the native americans... What did the natives call the land? Maybe THAT'S what we should call them.
Yesterday, it was wild life that might carry you away and have you for a snack.

Why is Texas becoming the land of the FAT?
Yes it's hot here.
But see above...

My thinking is processed foods.
Large corporations being lazy... Add this, mix in that to make things bigger, better. (Does this mean A&M has some blame in all this for developing some of these 'advances'? Um, let's not go there.)
Mom's mom grew many of her own veggies in the yard. Much cheeper than store bought. All organic. No seal or Gov. regulated proof required.
My thinking is JUNK foods.
The French know how to cook, to eat, to live.
How many obese Frenchman, or Europeans have you seen lately?
(Tragically, these same large corps, (bodies) are busy as we speak, developing stratagies to export these same wonder foods, ie. Lays Potato Chips of San Antonio, Texas, USA, to other countries. And if you don't eat potato chips, let us change your society until you DO, ie, Denmark. True story...)

I guess if the school require counciling with their measurements, something benificial may come of all this. I know of women who hold weight out of low self esteem, of childhood tramas. If those ghosts could be purged, maybe, just maybe.
Of course, how does the school, that gets large contributions from, fast food companies, tell it's children, "These companies are bad, but we'll still take their book covers, and sponsored products, and their money, and be true to ourselves and you?"

Why are we so afraid of life?

What is going on with my generation?

Amoungst the noise

Amoungst the noise and chaos that is life in
modern
capitalist
America,

I received a brief respite
an oasis if you will.

On my phone was a message
which began,
"Hey Love!" and ended
"I love you".

I can not describe the joy
it gave.

Laundry List

To do list this week...

Grocery Shop.
Recyclables to the center.
Call Salvation army on mom's bed,
the old desk, and the small desk.

Laundry. As in Do some.
Take in my dry cleaning.

Oh, pay my Advolorum taxes (propery taxes) due the 31st.
(No matter what someone might say about "owning property",
reality is, the 'King' still owns it all.
We mearly borrow it.
If you don't believe me,
try not paying your property taxes and
see what happens.
The King ALWAYS gets his cut.)

Exercise.
Buy fruits and veggies.
Follow up on dinner this week with J.
Find out how he's doing. How's his love life.
Ask him to be my best man...

Last Opera of the season this Friday...
Pay myself from my paycheck into savings.
(A good habit to form, set aside a percentage of each paycheck and place it into a savings account to be used for rainy days and investing. If you don't do it, no one's going to do it for you!!)
Calculate the pay off for the Harley...
What else....?

Clean house.
Cat box.
Pay bills
BALANCE CHECK BOOK!!!
(buy latest Quicken for the new computer)

Finish moonlighting project.
(I never need worry about forgeting to call Zelda)
Send out billings.
Wash car...
And....

enjoy myself!

Getting my act together

I can't seem to get my act together.

Started at the holiday.
Wonderful holiday.
One week off
(and a wonderful house guest)
Has me scratching my head.
What happened?

I started the moonlighting at that time as well.
Increases my commute.
Messes up my routine.

I need routine.
With a little chaos thrown in from time to time.

Sleep. Or lack there of...
Zelda and I have been talking up a storm each evening.
And while this happens, I try to do my chores.

The other "new love" in my life is the computer.

I need a sabath from electronic stuff.
Ie. the internet....

I get on the web, and as with the television.
I look up and it's time for bed.
Well, actually, PAST time for bed.
And none of my chores are done.

I hope the wireless will help lessen this.
With instant messaging, I'll be able to talk with
Zelda,
as I do my chores,
taking her with me as I go
from room to room.
That and it will get me OUT of my office.

Then my room mate wants me to get up and feed him.
Seems he can't open the fridge by himself.
Or the back door.
Which are both GOOD THINGS,
or the door would ALWAYS be open,
and there would be cat food cans
strewn about the house.
The bed,
living room,
the garage,
the hallway,
my office.

Add to that a long distance romance,
and life will never be the same!

Another GOOD (GOD) THING

Technology 2

I feel like my parents must have when
confronted with the VCR.

I got the wireless router from the notebook manufacturer.
Who installed the software
and the Network adapter

In fact I got the router
*free*,
because it was recomened by
the notebook manufacturer...

But it doesn't work
Software conflict.

Seven years of higher learning.
A professional license.
I can put an entire building together.

But I can't get the damn "vcr" to work...

As You Wish

my world has been in a whirl
since meeting you in person

looking forward to where it will
end

longing for the chaos
and lost normality
at the same time.

give it time
and it will
find balance
again

Woody

My Woody got out tonight.
He regularly gets out,
I let him out.

But tonight he left the yard.
With only one eye.
No claws.
And that is unacceptable.

He could get run over.
He could get eaten.
He could get mawled.

Maybe I'll fix the screened porch.
But until then.

Tonight was his last night out.

(Dad can't handle it!)

Good Morning Love

Zelda's name and
my name
are a letter apart.

Drop a vowel
add a consonant
and we have
the same name.

Will be interesting
to see what kind of
typos we'll get
from mailers

Take her name,
and add the same consonant
and her name becomes
my aunt's name.
Or another name,
depending on where
that consonant lives

Give her my last name.
And we'll be complete.

conflict avoided

the office was peaceful today

due to my concern about
the office contention

the senior architect was prepared
to handle and defuse
the conflict before
it had a chance
to explode

no egos
where harmed in the making
of this blog

She has the power

to say,
"No".

I don't for see that happening.
All the same,
I have given her that power over me.

Maybe that's why my mind has asked, "uh, just what exactly are we doing here?"

Interesting.

Just as I openned up to the possibilities of lovers and women and their passions and bodies,
I have at that moment decided, I have found someone who makes all those possibilites of lovers and women and their passions and bodies
moot.

I don't want but one thing.
Connection.

Which I have found so shortly after openning up to the possibilities of women.

zelda speaks

in poetry

in my ear

on the phone

every night


Wonderful way to end a day.
With the voice of a cherished love
echoing in your ear.

We are in that new love phase,
that is stong and brave and
at the same time
vulnerable.

Emotions run high.
Any insecurities could
start it spinning.

At least in a less mature
secure person.

She knows who she is.
I know who I am.

We don't need each other,
but we want each other.
********************
Meet the family
stage.

I have met mom and dad.
Briefly.
I was picking up their daughter to
take her to the airport the next day.
Dad was not well.

Well, I did take her to the airport the next day
but that was not the main reason.
Just a fringe bennifit.
We wanted to sleep and wake with each other.
We wanted to hear each other's voice.
To smile and look deeply into the other.

And we wanted sex.

It still strike me odd
the back ground thought
"Hi Mr. ______.
Very nice to meet you,
(uh, yes. I am fucking your daughter. Do I look guilty?)
So, how's retirement treating you?"

This is not the first time I have been in this situation.
Still the same,
I am old fashioned in my upbringing.
And it feels akward.
The women haven't seemed to be troubled by this.

And just for clarity.
I'm not THAT old fashioned in my thinking...

Zelda speaks
I listen

If you say,

"yes!"

So many things to think about
if you say,
"yes".

So many things to plan,
should you say,
"yes".

So many places to take you

So many things to show you

So many things to clean up
throw out,
move in,
move out,

Will Woody be happy being a second fiddle?
And will Gaea ever grow to like me?

What does it mean to
share a bathroom?

A life?

To answer to someone.
To come home to that love.
To place someone over myself?

I look forward to finding out with you.

When you say,
"yes".

Rife thinking/Right thinking

I have been wondering about the office politics.

I shall never know the "truth" but I'd like to know my place in things.

"Thou shalt not kill"

If I don't know you,
but I am told about you by someone
who really likes you,
I will get one impression of you.

And based on this impresssion,
I will bring expectations and behaviors towards you.
I will react in a more positive attitude to your, as yet unknown, motivations.

And yet,
if I don't know you,
but I am told about you by someone
who really dis-likes you.
I will get another impression of you.

And by human nature
I will bring different expectations and behaviors towards you.
I will most likely
react in a more negative attitude to your, as yet unknown, motivations.

Becareful of what you tell the world,

lest you kill

a reputation
with unkind

words.

Love's letters

While on the phone with Zelda the other night, I was looking at our web site, (as-you-wish.diary-x.com)
I noticed we are getting some visitors. Which is flattering.
And Zelda gave me the code to see where folks were "from". It doesn't give particulars, we don't get your addresses or anything.
It took me back to diary.x where the latest posted blogs were listed.

One caught my attention as its name is a popular album by the Googoo Dolls.
It took me to a similar site as ours.

Only the young lady's relationship is further along, and sounded as if it is in some trouble.
Her blog also shared intimacy's to her lover.
Word pictures between lovers.

It brought home that

we are all pretty much the same.

We all want love.
Companionship.
Connection.
Sex and physical closeness.

We are all pretty much the same.

Love Letter from the State of Texas

"Collection Notice".

They are after a Franchise Tax on my Corporation.

I missed a date and didn't get the paper work back in time...
I have a service Corporation, not a Franchise.

So they want money for a non existing situation.

I'll hand it off to my accountant and she will wave her magic wand,
and fingers crossed,
the State will see it's mistake.
And not charge me for mine

Religion, Politics, and Proposals

Hi all,

We have breached the topic of religion, spiritual health, Zelda and I.
And not with out some fear on my part.

I was raised in a religious family.
Although Zelda is not interested in the trappings of organized religion, she has her beliefs in the spirit.

My mother would aprove. (and to be honest, I believe 100% she and dad have had their fair share in all this. Dad passed in '82 and Mom joined him in '01).

Zelda has the luxury of parents still living... I met them on our 'second date'.
As things would have it, I was able to have Zelda "meet" my parents the same day.
(I was more up front with my folks, "Mom, Dad, this is Zelda. We're having sex!")

Whether you like your parents or not, I envy you...those of you who stop by anonymously, whose parents yet live...

Love them and appreciate them for who they are. Flaws and all. We all have them. And someday we may want, need that love from our children...

Mom died of matastatised cancer. It spread to already weakened lungs.
She judged her progress as such...

6 swallows of water, one breath
one swallow, one breath
one swallow, 6 breathes.
*********************

We delved into politics tonight.
Hey, why not?
There weren't very good options for President this year...
We were respectful of each other and will probably wait till later for any knock down drag out fights.
Though I don't foresee that ever happening...
At least not over politics.
I really don't care enough about them to want to ruin my day because of them...

Still plenty of time for all that.
**************************
Planning a trip with Zelda to "the land of fruit and nuts" other wise known as California.
I have a business trip in March or so. Thought, "Why not capitalize on this? Let's make this a pleasure trip as well."
I have never met someone I have felt as comfortable with as Zelda.
We both look forward to it with excitement!
*************************
I did something I have never done before.

I proposed.
To Zelda.

Yes it is WAY too early yet.
And this may all fold like a deck of cards.
But I don't honestly believe that. (Or I would never have offered!)

I haven't seen her on a bad day yet.
We both live in far distant lands.

She asked to wait. This is a good thing.
Someone has to have a level head.

So all you in her Office.
You can settle up your bets!

I'd like to simply elope.
But there are fffaaarrr too many folks involved...
My sister would kill me.
"YOU FINALLY GOT MARRIED AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME!!"

Would be interesting conversation with her parents though.
"Hi Mom? Are you sitting down?
Yeah, uh, do you remember the guy who picked me up and gave me a *ride* to Dallas?
Yeah that's him.
Wel...
He's your new son-in-law!
No mom, I'm not kidding.
Yes mom I am sober.
Yes, he has a job, and a car.
And a Harley.
No, no drug problem...
no tatoos.
Oh, he does have an STD. Yeah, herpes, I think...
Love you, gotta go!"
*****************

Oh, you might want to know....

We used the "L" word for the first time with each other tonight.

Ego

Why is it that we were created with Egos?

The office has become a place of contention and placation of the powers that be...

For what ever the reason, the Interiors Principal feels it is important for the staff to each have a month of washing the dishes.
Every six months or so I get to wash the coffee pot and any misc. spoons, cups, plates...

I don't drink coffee... not at the office...

It was not in my contract.

It was not in my interview.

I was told 'everyone washes dishes'

I might not feel put out by it if everyone in the office did this.
It would be a great way to "share" the load.

Of course we could always wash up after ourselves....

As it is, not everyone actually washes.

ie. the Interiors Principal...

It's a power play on her part.
*************************
that last comment is not actually mine,
but by not questioning it,
I have made it so.
it is an opinion.
*************************

A former employee designed an award winning restaurant.
It is now closed, but I recall hearing the ads for it.
It is an implied groin vault, (where two barrel vaults, think an arch extended into a hall, come together and make a cross) made of sheet rock, that floats below the ceiling and is back lit.

It is this small but Oh so very important detail that everyone notices. With out it, it would be just another non descript restaurant...

Very nice...

It made the mags.

When does an idea become one's own?

If you ask the Interiors Principal, she will refer to it as "mine".
As in, "I designed it".

When does your idea become your bosses?

Granted, it would not have seen the light of day had the company not created it...

I know not to be very creative in this office... I won't get credit from it.

Causes me to wonder about all of these great designs in the Arch rags that are 'credited' to the owners or principals.
*******************

My buddy had interviewed with the company.
He is very design oriented.
Has a drive to create great things and make a name for himself.

Hmmmmm......
Wonder why HE wasn't hired.....

Sheesh...

(For anyone wondering, I have my resume up to date and ready at a moment's notice...)

Trajedy

"a very sad or tragic event or sequence of events: disaster"
Webster's New World Dictionary

Strange how we define that word.

What it means and what it is used for....

It's first definition is Greek Play.

Billions of dollars are now pouring into the Indian Ocean to help repair the destruction wrought by a natural event in our planet's growing pains.

Would we care had it not been broadcast via web and televion?

Personally I was in bed having sex the night it happened. Sex while others died.
***************

Billions of dollars are now flowing into the Indian Ocean at this moment.

The entire world is sending aid.

It's a tragedy.

Hundreds of thousands have died.

More will die in the aftermath.

When the world raises up and swallows you up.

Maybe it was the idea of sandy beaches and blue lagoons...

Maybe it was the concern of growing Terror cells in the impacted countries.

Maybe compassion, maybe fear that this could happen to us, that the world could snatch us away...

What ever the reason, our wallets and bank accounts have openned to help the helpless.
*****************

But why is it not a tragedy when someone takes a club, or spear, or gun, and takes a life, a home, a family?

Knocks it down to the ground, leaves me with out food to eat, nor clothes to wear.

Why is it okay to look the other way, or to even look at it, shrug our shoulders and change the channel when the victim is an African?

Why is it okay to let them die of horrible means?

Preventable deaths.

Where is the out pouring of monies and aid for those suffering from diseases?

Why is it permissible to let one group knock the other over the head, kill their men and boys only to leave the bones for the sun to bake?

Why is it okay to look the other way, or even to look at it, shrug our shoulders and change the channel when the victim is a Slav?

War raged less than 100 miles from where I stayed in Italy in the early ninties, and where was the money? The aid? The means to protect these victims?
******************

It is easier to give money, sit back and let someone else do the work.

It is easier to give money, than put your own in harms way.

Why is it that if they are poor and black and African, then we don't care?

Why is it that if they are poor and Muslim, then we don't care?

Could it be those sandy beaches?

technology

use to be that I could not stand my computer,

computers for me = work

and keeping them up is also work

Last week I finally bought a lap top.

being the latest technology, it doesn't have the conflicts of my 'old junker'.

(honestly folks, I did have something to say, but it dribbled out my ear on the way from the bed room to the office)

Ah!! there it is...

This last weekend was nice in many ways.
One thing that strikes me, is Zelda and I, even though it's a new romance, interacted the whole time.
It was nice.
Comfortable.
We did things, interaction.
I don't get enough of that in my daily life. to be so intuned with someone,
is
incredible.

How long will it last? this bantering click?
will it survive the day to day grind of work and bills and shopping?
and kids and school, and (did I say) bills?

we watched a movie on the tele. well she kind of fell asleep, as she had already seen it, that and she wanted to get me back in bed!

her friends seem to like me, and if nothing else, express their love for Zelda in their happiness for her.
the joke was, "so after dinner on Sat. Zelda, would you and karlthebunny like to stop by the bar and see my new boyfriend's dad's band, or, *snicker* do you have other plans?
My comment was I was tired. more *snickering*
We stopped by the bar, but left shortly.

Now that I'm back home,
it's the old routine.
Work, moonlight, tv, quick microwaved meal, snuggle time with the cat, then to bed.
Copy that five times a week and you get an idea of my life.

change is good

I would not have met Zelda had it not been for some guy in a lab somewhere working on technology. Well a bunch of guys, and gals. Making computers, and mobil phone systems. And things called "blogs".

So to all those folks, I want to say,
"thanks".

the anticipation

Now that I am back home in bunny land, I of course wish I were *gasp!* still in Nebraska.
A Texas boy admitting, out loud, that he'd rather be somewhere else than Texas?
Take away his citizenship!!

Omaha is a pretty little town, (the Texan in me is compelled to compares sizes) no offense to anyone.

It's the way we're raised.

I hadn't thought about it till the senior architect at the office noted that when one crosses, say from California to Arizona,

one has crossed the state line.

But Texans are raised to think in terms of crossing the Red River into Oklahoma to visit grandma in Tulsa,

"We just crossed the border!"

And those out of staters who have hung around us much, know that we don't say, "We're about to cross the state line." But instead say, "We're fixin' to cross."

Zelda has set up a joint blog on diary.x
so if you simply can't get enough of two adults getting all mushy about each other on their individual blog sites,
NOW YOU CAN GET EVEN MORE!!

(More about that as we get it posted.)

Oh, and if you EVER find your self in Omaha, Ne.
make
sure
you
stop
in

Espania,

a Tapas Restaurant!!

Very good stuff.

ktb

as-you-wish.diary.x

Here in Omaha

I am here in Zelda land, and man is it C O L D for this Texas boy.

Fortunately, the hostess has done an OUTSTANDING job of making me feel warm and welcome.

The car was toasty, considering the temp at the time of landing was "2", as in Fareinheit, degrees. My lungs were not prepared!

She bought me gifts, a card, and wonderful food.
The house was warm, the hostess was (is) warm, and she was kind enough to warm up my bed, though it took some doing!

I think I'll pack her up and bring her home. Alas, she just won't fit in my carry on...

What do y'all think?

Omaha is a pretty nice little town. Older homes, a lot of old schools have been renovated into apartments. Great down town shopping district. And it doesn't take 30 minutes to get anywhere...

Going out for tapas tonight. (I think she's trying to get me drunk! *gasp* And take advantage of me, (or I her!)

Alas I wasn't able to get all my work finished Thursday, so sometime today/tomorrow, I'll have to finish these wall sections and make the red line revisions.

Keep laughing...

Today, tomorrow...

Tired today.
Working to make this weekend job free.
Afraid I'll end up actually sleeping through it!
But I'll be in a nice warm safe place with someone with whom I enjoy spending time, if indeed we do actually sleep.
(Well, that's not exactly the way I wanted it say it, but 'love' is a little too heady a word this early in the game...)
So, someone with whom I enjoy spending time.

And we'll kiss some,
and eat some,
and fuck some,
and love some,
and drink some,
and draw some,
and talk probably a whole lot.

Well,

we'll probably fuck a whole lot too...
she's just that way...

And for sure we'll laugh,
and giggle,
and look into each others eyes.

(this is where you, the audience, gets up and changes blog channels)

Yes, we'll have FUN!

Too much to chew?

I'm scrambling this week.
Friday I'm off to the great white north!
Found out today that the developer would like a set of drawings for the contractor by Monday.
(Another "instant architecture" mirracle...sheesh!)

Did I mention I haven't told my client that I will be out of town lest he (pat me on the back and then) panic!?

So, here I sit at the machine, (still not mine), working away.
*********************

God visited me tonight and assured me that long distance relationships do work out.

(God is everywhere, all we need do is look.

This time in the guise of my dr. friend.
All of my sister's prayers are finally paying off.
Thanks sis! love you!)
*********************

Zelda's been cleaning house for my visit.
I'm not sure I'll see too much of it!
But I'll make it a point to make the tour sometime this weekend!
*********************

Back to work

A Public Thank You!

To Zelda,
for her kind and *selfish* words
to me on her blog!

to think....
I'm the subject of her writing....

sigh...

everyone!!
should have a blog
to share
those unsaid thoughts
we forget to say
to
each
other...

Back to reality..

Yesterday at the office meeting,
the interiors principle bad mouthed our senior Architect,
who was not there to defend himself,
as he was on a (two hour) conference call.

I defended him in his absence.

Disappointed that the principle (an architect) sat there and let his wife get away with it...

She would not have stood for anyone bad mouthing her staff with out a fight!

Playfulness!!!

I'm a kid in a candy store!
There are kisses, and hugs.
And sweets of a most wonderful kind!

Delights for the mouth,
from words,
to kisses,
for empty lips

Delights for the ears.
Passionate breathing,
private words,
kind words,
giggles,
and laughter,
the brush of the phone and
a voice that sings to my ear.

Delights for the touch.
Skin,
hair,
and hands,
passion.
The flesh
of a woman.
Given freely,
taken gladly.

Delights for the eyes.
Eyes into eyes.
A face lost in passion.
Mouths,
breasts,
legs,
arms
all in candle light
glowing.
*Grins* on a keyboard.

Delights for the nose.
Fresh skin,
Cologne.
Sweat,
Flowers
and candles.
Kisses of scent.

I want to play in this candy store and never go home!

To meet on the web, to love on the web

I'm going up this weekend
to visit Zelda and spend some time with ?my best friend?
We have known each other 6 months by computer.
Two by phone,
and three days in person.

So is it friendship?
Or lust?

Right now it's trust
and an incredible amount of
generousity.

Am I in love? (heavy word "Love",)
If it is indeed, then what kind of Love?

I don't know her, or she me.
But we feel like one shoe to the other.

"Friends with benifits".
I like that, "Friends."

Life is about risk.
To risk to lose, is to risk to gain.

And it may all be passion and hormones.
But I won't ask to stop the ride simply
cuz I don't know what's beyond
the next turn
or drop.

Place all loose items securely in your pockets,
Fasten your seatbelt,
Hands in the air!!

Ride on!

Hmmmm.....

What is life supposed to be about?
Work?
Play?
Sex?
War?

I guess all of these things in the right amounts.

Why is it that we seem to get them out of order?
We are made that way, by a benevolent God?

Or do we want God to BE benevolent?

Grumpy

Why am I so grumpy?
I grump about going to work on Saturday (for myself).
I grump about the other drivers.
No patience lately.

Maybe it's the down side cycle of the super holidays I had. Can't be up all the time. (and if it lasts longer than 4 hours, you should consult your doctor, that or start charging for it *snicker*)

Tired.
Want to be back in bed, in the holidays, with my lover reliving the moments.
Warm bed, cold house.
Making new discoveries and laughing.

Weather is wonderful today.

Opera last night!

Interesting. I wasn't really in the mood for the Opera last night.

It was a tragedy... "Luisa Miller"
Starts off all sweet and wonderful.
All full of ideal love and family values.
Happily ever after and all.
But it never got there.

See the parents have their own ideas.
Well there are no mom's in this one to mix things up.
Just dad's.
Interesting how elements work to compound each other to bring about the ending.
Had our lovers been a little more level headed, it might have had that happy ending.
Hey kids... there ARE other fish in the sea!

Akward spot.
The end of one scene begs for applause because the performers merit it.
The akward part?
As the lights fade, the villian is commiting rape against our girl...
Clap as he assaults her...

I want my computer back!!!

Think I'll wait till the notebook gets in, load the windows, and hopefully get rid of the glitches.
Or... back up my wanted files to the note book, and reload the desktop...
Or should I keep the desk top???

There are some files I wouldn't want to lose should my notebook be lost or stolen.
J has had a notebook for some time and seems to like it...

Hatched an evil plot at the Opera...
I'm going to California later for work.
I want to see the sights.
Thinking I'll try to get Zelda to play some hookey and join me.

The truth be told...

The truth be told....I am having computer problems....
Maybe a bug....

I was visiting links from Zelda's to her friends....
And from there to some of their links.....
And I clicked on another link.....
and my computer......

You can guess the rest....

I tried to reload some programs....

but Windows strikes again!!

So... I have a dead line on my moonlighting job....
And NO working computer....

Most of the software works....

Just NOT the one I need....
Autocad don't want to work....


Ordered a notebook from Dell....
Now I'll be able to sit in public and not talk to anyone while I type to the world....

On hold

For all my adoring fans. (maybe all three of you), I have become slightly busy with work related stuff, so I will not be on line as often as I'd like.

So, feel free to call me up instead!

kB

Oh yeah, my number.....

Back to work tomorrow 2

Damn Incredible Makeover Home Addition!

To have a job that touches a life and makes it, potentially?, better (I haven't seen any follow ups yet) and brings joy and an easing of misery(?).

Makes going in to a line of work were the owners are independantly wealthy and practice Architecture as a hobby, bickering with their employees and being territorial.

The senior Architect wants the corner office with the nice view, and they will give it to the new part time interiors intern because they don't want to listen to his phone calls. But they haven't told him this.
Such maturity.

Have I said I'll only be there for two years?

Nice people with little problems.

I guess the choice is:

a) Do I let it eat me?
b) Do I play the game and bide my time? (this is how the other Architects play it)
c) Do I lay everything out on the table and, in so many words, tell them they are full of shit?

I don't like who I have become, bad mouthing and gossipy about those with whom I work...
It's toxic..

I'm thinking of a variation of "c".

Back to work tomorrow

An entire week off and I didn't get much of what I had intended to done.

Good to be *ahem* (cough, cough) flexible about life.

Laundry still sitting in the hamper.
Dishes need washing.
Many things need to be dropped off with good will.
Mom's bed and an old desk should have been put out and calls made.

Damn Victoria's secret. And Univision.
Makes it difficult to be satisfied with things as they are.
"All women are petit, voluptous, incredible hair, incredible cleavage, and thin".
Studies have been done where women shown Brad Pitt and other "beautiful" men are turned on, but there is no dissatisfaction with the "average" men in their lives.
Men are not such benevolent creatures.
Show us a Jennifer Aniston, or half naked little thang, there is a disatisfaction registered in our little minds. (Easy! ladies! Easy!)
**********

Herpes.

If I had not met L and contracted Herpes.
And had Zelda, after years of suffering, not shared with the world her condition.
Had Herpes Help not been around.
We would never have met.

And they say Herpes is a
bad thing...

I say it was worth the risk!

Intimacy

I have been digging through her
underwear drawer.

The place where she hides those
special things meant only for
herself.

Trying things on for size.

Those little intimacys that
show themselves from time to time
unitentionally.

A strap here.
A tummy there,
as she moves.

No.
These are not the bits of clothing
she buys for herself.
But the thoughts and emotions,
dreams and fears
she drapes herself in
when no one is watching.

Parading around the room
going about her business
putting herself together.

Hmmm.....

Let's see...

'We're over at his house watching a movie.'

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'I didn't get "home" till after midnight. I missed my curfew that I have always made'

'The movie was SOO good I wanted, no Needed to leave a day early to see him again.'

'He just so happened to be available to pick me up and give me a place to stay the night.'

'I was spending the night elsewhere so as to be out of my brother's hair.'

'No, I wasn't walking a little funny at the mall.'

'I was in such a good mood because I was glad to see you guys along with all my 'lovely' relatives.'

'You asked "How'd it go?" the next day instead of , "How was the museum?. Where all did you go?" '


OF COURSE your mom knows exactly what we were doing!!!

Banter

Hand in hand they walked over
coblestones
bantering in the way only
lovers can.

Sex

Gotta love it...
Gotta have it...

As I look back on my life before and after sex, I no longer recognize myself.

Transforming.
I feel sorry for my old self.

I have friends,
women friends,
who are in their 40's who have chosen to be celibate.

I look back on a dried out shell.
Now, I am full and vibrant.
Energetic!
Sated.

The universe offers up the pleasures of the flesh,
it is up to us to say,
"Yes!!"

Zelda
actually
cried,
*Uncle!*
************
"that can make thoughts soar with wings of dreaming"

Donation....

I have decided to give my bonus to those who need it more, the tsunami victims.
********