Apples

The computer kind.
I've been salivating over the 15" power book now for 2 years.
Won't work with AutoCad.
The same AutoCad with which I make a living.
I can't justify it in my mind.
Two note books.
One a PC.
Which I need.
And the Other.
The one I Want.

Was given the solution at Thanks Giving.
Simple really.
Get both.

America, gotta love it...

Fearful

*Hard day at work. I'm too frazzled to study, so I'll blog instead. After all, it doesn't require any higher cognative powers*

Fearful

That's me.
I'd like to believe otherwise.
But bravery wouldn't explain:
my constant complaining to mom when she was here.
occational jealousy towards women who didn't like me in the first place.
closing out the world
staying home when there are so many friends to make.
all the rules I've made for myself.

*****
Last week was my "dr.s" birthday. She had a small number of friends for a get together. In an effort to network, I came prepared to "meet and greet". Women that is. The only single woman at "S"s party was S. And as much I'd like to win her over, attraction doesn't work that way.
I had some of my insecurities tweaked.
Jealousy.
Insecurity.
Inadequecy.
All run away feelings.
Made some new friends and networked with two of S's guy friends, F and C.
The party broke up and S, K, and I (uh, that would be Me) moved down the block to watch the K.U. game. It was at this point that I discovered that I had given my number to not One, but Two gay men... They, I discovered, were on a 'first date' .

(Zelda, you HUSH!)

And to think, I had been jealous of S and F. (Which I would not feel if I knew she actually liked me. It's the very fact that I know she's not interested in me that causes the feelings. Go figure...That and I don't have any other viable possibilities at the moment. Life is ficle...That and it wouldn't hurt if she didn't look so good. I AM a man.)

I want to be fearful, to run away to my mother's apron and cry, "I don't want to play with her anymore! She won't give my what I want!" Wrong answer...

Dad would tell me, "Buck up, act like a Man and quit your whining! Move on!"
Did I mention
dad
died
when I was
young?
(Can I be mad about that?)

*****
I have two dates with real honest to G*D women! But where do they want to go?
The gay bar...

I shared all this with J. He thought it was funny and asked if I didn't want to reconsider "changing sides", after all he said, "we'll f*ck anyone".

And who are these lucky women? (I'd say I'm the one lucking out, that's "l" and not "f".)
They are none other than


Zelda!


and


my dr!


Women!!!

Go figure!

Everyone needs place to call "home"

Last night
at the opera,
I watched a small spider,
one of the really small ones,
build a web,
on the few hairs
of the balding man,
sitting in front of me.

Continuing on the Housing theme

Down here in the south with a small "s", (verses the eastern "South" which is further *north* and has a capital "S"), there is a problem with foundations.
Being originally a low land sea, we have developed slow running rivers. What this geology leason means, is, the slow rivers deposit a lot of sediment.
Our sediment of choice here is clay.
Great for farming.
Rich in everything a plant might want.
But when you decide to grow houses instead of cotton, clay will come back to haunt the home owner.
When it dries out, it shrinks, and when it gets wet, it expands.
"Officially" a"floating slab", a concrete foundation that is a single pour, with steel reinforcing to give strength, is the "solution". As the soil moves, in theory, the house will move as a unit.
That's in theory.
In reality, the foundation is never strong enough, see cheap contractors in preveous blog, to with stand the yearly heaving.
Up north, where it snows, the foundations are built deeper to get below the level at which the soil will freeze. Many times this is so deep that it is practical to go ahead and create a basement.
Here in the south, it never gets cold enough long enough to freeze the soil so the slabs are "on grade", at the surface.
Get down to about 3 feet and the moisture content is constant, thus no movement, but "it's too expensive" to dig deeper. Again, see cheap contractor, (cheap home buyer)

As I was driving in today I passed a sign offering "free pool" with a purchase of a new home.
Pools add no resale value to your home. Yes, I just said, Pools add no resale value to your home. The home owner will build the pool thinking, "this will help increase the money I'll get when I sell!".
Nope.

But it is a great sales tool for the developer, because, the homeowner thinks, see above.
As I saw the sign today, it occured to me, "Pools are big holes in the ground, made of concrete, and being a number of feet deep."

"Hello!, I'd rather have a basement, which is a big hole in the ground, made of concrete, and being a number of feet deep. It will protect my foundation!" It will also provide additional square footage that will *not* be considered in your property tax assesment!
Built space below grade is not considered "finished space" in residentail real estate apraisal.
A basement WILL add value to my home... Not financially, the same reason you're not taxed is the same reason you won't benifit monitarily.
But park your car there, as they do in France, and instead of the back side of a garage, you can have....

Windows....

Go figure.

Homes with soul

Older homes have 'soul'.
New homes are "products" mass produced by non architects.

What does this mean?

The builder has in house designers, they work for him.
He wants to keep his costs down, and thus his profits high.
Every little thing to keep his costs down is put into the home and by its very nature, is expressed in its physical expression. Mass production.

It's also focused on 'selling'. "How do I get someone to buy this thing? Well Fred developer down the street has a huge two story front entry. His houses sell. Folks like that, we'll do it too!" (the psychology is, the home owner wants to 'impress' their friends when they visit. A big entry does this. It's superficial and of course the rest of the house suffers. If 'x' amount of dollars is needed to make a big entry splash, guess where that money isn't spent? On the soul...)
Shopping centers are designed to get you in and out as quickly as possible. They have to "read" from the street as you pass by. So refinement is not a consideration. "Peacock" is more the thinking.

Old houses were designed by architects. Now a days, the average home owner, wants a Wal mart house. 'Give it to me cheep! I like cheep!, cuz I'm...... ', fill in the blank.

The reality is, one can design and build a nice house, with soul, for a reasonable price. Value. The trade off is *size* for *quality*.

Limited budget, you can build it BIG, and "impress" your friends. Make it smaller, and you can take that same money, and add built ins, window seats, 'soul'. You can impress yourself! And your energy bill, over the life you own it, will be smaller as well. Good design SAVES you money.

The current trend is BIG BOX homes. 3,000 plus square feet. Try to picture 3,000 s.f. That's 50 by 60. We SHOP in BIG BOX, why not LIVE in BIG BOX? Those warehouses are so cumfy! Not.
Next you have to buy new furnature to FILL that BIG BOX. And what do you do with it when the kids are gone? I saw a brand new 3,000 s.f. home and the home owner ALREADY had the garage full of junk! Couldn't even get the car in!


Cat graced my carpet, why ALWAYS the carpet, with "I'm not feeling well today". Why? I can't do anything about your not feeling well kitty, you've already done it. My house STINKS!!!
Where o where did I miss your pressent..?

Gotta go track it down...

Homeowner

Have the tv on in the back ground for back ground noise.
And that is EXACTLY what it is...

Today it's Hot On Homes,
where they 'share' with you
the latest, hottest places to live!!!
What they forget to tell you about these great finds!
which the bow flex and the miracle knives and the 'lose a gagilion pounds while getting bigger boobs in only TWO short weeks!!!!' do admit, is Hot On Homes, and their kind, is PAID ADVERTISING. Oooh, they did mention it as being paid ad. But only in the last 10 seconds of the sign off...

They are so excited about their exciting news about some exciting products they have available which they know you'll be excited about!!

They'll tell you the newer homes are more energy efficient leaving you with the notion that the industry is out to help you, the consumer. Again they forget to mention that new state and fed requirements Require higher energy efficiency. "We have high-e windows!" *smile*. HELLO, they ALL have high-e windows!

And our WONDERFUL ammenity center. Translation, "Guess who gets to PAY for that "ammenity" center for as long as you own one of their wonderfully exciting average vanilla homes? It's called a Home Owner Association. And in your contract you will be required by law to pay Home Owner's Dues Ad infinitum. They can FORCLOSE (legally take) on your home if you miss a $100.00 payment. Even if your home is Paid in Full.

Buyer beware...

(yes I'm a jaded Architect...)

If wishes were horses

beggers would have a fertilizer problem...

someone recently asked me if I
had three wishes,
what would they be...
Ah there is the obvious,
endless cash,
lots of women,
inability to contract or transmit STDs.

Then there is "world peace".

love would be in there somewhere.
a family.
health,
a great house,
losts of friends,
understanding women would be nice.
I job I could love.

what would YOU wish?

My Dr.

Is single type II.

type I: seeing someone and happy.

type II: single and not looking

type III: single and interested, but not in me.

type IIII: single and interested in me.

That's better than type III. Had far too many to those.

She's only in town for a year and so has no idea were or what she'll be doing.
maybe a polite method of putting me off. that or she's a long term kind of girl...

on to the future!

Zelda is coming!

Pinwheel that is.
To visit me.
We've been talking.
Being a fellow HSV, the whole sexual thing has popped up.
Not that it's a recent thing.
A function of the impersonal internet.
Create someone in your mind and flirt it up.
After all, you'll never actually meet them.
Though the fact that she's sexually "safe",
no possibility of giving her the gift, ramps it up.
I've been focusing on that.
It's an old distraction technique from who knows when that I use when I want to keep from facing an unpleasant reality I fear.

Before when I had potential lovers knocking on my proverbial door,
I could not see them for what they were.
I had eyes, but could not see...
*virginity blinders.*
Women interested in me for romantic interludes.
Read that "SEX".
(always seems to come back to that)
Let's get neked and do the do!
I was safe. 100%
No STD's.
But I was not engaging in life.

Earlier this year I came down with a virus.
I felt body aches, fever, fatigue, all the classic flu symptoms.
My body cured me and after about a week I felt better.
I had influenza.
The flu is unpleasant and we try to avoid it.
We get shots.
We wash our hands
and spend our $$ on the latest
meds and anti viral soaps.
It's communicable.
We give it to each other.
The flu will recur again and again in our life times.
Do we hide away and avoid our friends?
No.
We continue to hug
and kiss
and shake hands with those we love.
Who, by the way,
were the one's who gave us the virus in the first place.

Earlier this year I came down with a virus.
I felt body aches, fever, fatigue, all the classic flu symptoms.
My body cured me and after about a week I felt better.
I had HSVII.
It will recur again and again in my life time.
Should I hide away and avoid new loves?
No.
I will continue to hug
and kiss
and shake hands with those I love.
Who, by the way,
was the one who gave me the virus in the first place.

The most distressing thing I have experienced with herpes is
the notion that I might give it to someone I care deeply about and love..
My future wife...
The second most distressing is
"the conversation"
with potential new romantic interests.
Not the actual telling,
but the thinking about the telling.
How to aproach it.
The weather is so beautiful today, a perfect segue into S T Ds (cue Monster Truck ECHO!!!, ECHO!!!, ECHO!!!)

Ironically, EVERYONE,
EVERYONE,
I have told so far,
has been supportive and accepting.
No disgusting looks and gasps of fear so far.
I was supportive when 'herpes girl' dropped the bomb shell.
I have met many wonderful people via internet,
who also have HSV. (see Zelda above)

What we don't do to ourselves...

It wouldn't matter
if
I didn't like these women
and fear their rejection of me.

Zelda wants coffee...

Rant

Angry I have this S#%$...

Selfish,
bitch!
Stuck up rich bitch!
"You need to move out of this neighborhood,
they sell drugs down the street."
Oh, that's mom and dad's money your'e living on. They just hide it better in your parent's neighborhood.

Poor bitch!
Selfish ho!
Don't look at yourself, just blame me!!
I forgot to lie to you,
s o r r y !

I really WAS a virgin.
You really are a pig!

"Opps, I forgot to tell you,
I have a sexually transmitted dis-ease, My dis ease
with the truth that is.
Here let me make it yours" "Love" is forever afterall.
I screwed up my life sleeping around, but I JUST CAN'T Say "NO".
Here let me take advantage of you. After all, it is your fault for letting me...

The selfishness stops with ME.
Damn her to HELL on earth.

The Opera!

I took
a woman,
a Dr.,
to "Carmen".
Cocktails and black tie before hand.
A gorgious
Woman as my date.
Intelligent conversation.
Shared interests.
Drama,
sex,
betrayal.
Love.
Eye contact
and a slinky
black
dress...
Wish me luck!

Italy

I had originally wanted to send these into "The Readers Digest" to see what they thought, and maybe get one published. That is until the fine print told me I'd lose my copywrite.
Not for a hundred dollars...

Italy was my muse...

Italy Six

A patchwork
of stone
knitting a city street
together

copyright karlthebunny 1992

Italy Five

Sidewalks
kicking leaves
through evening shadows

copyright karlthebunny 1992

Italy Four

Trees
standing in the street
waiting for a bus

copyright karlthebunny 1992

Italy Three

Streets
sidewalks in hand, lazily
wandering through
a neighborhood

copyright karlthebunny 1992

Italy Two

Center serpentine
slithering down
a brick scaled
street

copyright karlthebunny1992

Italian Billboard

Two Lovers
caught in the act
of selling Soap

Copyright Karlthebunny 1992

Italy One

A platoon of trees
standing watch
over the highway


Copyright karlthebunny 1992

Zelda has me on her Blog link!!

And I was worried about her writing about me in her blog.
We're to meet in person aroung Christmas. I'm going to take her to J's bar.

So I'd better add something so as to not let her down!

We "met" through Yoshi2me.com, a herpes web site, check it out, it's great, "I've got herpes, Don't You?".
For those of you who don't have it, or THINK you don't have it, check it out and educate yourself.